We all know that exercise is good for us, we need to move to be healthy, blah blah blah… When you’ve got littles at home it’s hard to find the time to work out. It’s hard enough to keep up with housework! And don’t get me started on feeding so many different people. I’ve figured out some good workouts for busy mommies over the years that I thought some others may want to try. Just remember, laughter burns fat. Right in the mommy pouch. I swear on all my unprofessionalism. So here’s the best 8 that I could think of. Enjoy!
Morning wake up: Jump out of bed, curse your alarm for betraying you and jog to the kitchen to start breakfast. Curse when you hear the kids waking up only 2 minutes into the eggs cooking. Race to finish breakfast before the heathens go into crazy, cranky starvation mode. Shove food in their faces and rush back to the kitchen to make your own before they decide they don’t want to eat what you gave them. Morning routines are chock full of racing against the clock, or racing to the table to catch the plate your kid just threw. Racing burns major calories!
- Extreme Stairclimbers: Pick up one of your children, and walk up the stairs, A LOT. Make sure to sing a silly song or do a silly face to keep the kid entertained. Do not place child on your baby hip, that’s cheating! Repeat every time you need to go upstairs or downstairs, for the next 5 years.
When does it END! Story time: Get into a position that you need to flex your abs/mummy tummy in order to sit up straight. Place child in your lap and grab a big book that they’ve been begging you to read. Read until you wanna curse the author of that book. Child will be happy; you may need a nap. And a swear jar.
- Horsey ride from hell: It’s playtime! No child in the world does not enjoy climbing on Mommy or Daddy’s back. It’s extra fun if the parent is in pain. I’ve learned from experience. So get on the floor, let said child climb on your back, and crawl on your hands and knees until you wish you still had those knee pads from your roller blading days. Extra points if you make horsey noises or if you collapse.
Bend it like bath time: Bath time is the perfect time for a quick workout! You can work your back, your legs, your arms, and your sanity all at the same time. Make sure the child has lots of toys to distract them from actually being bathed, but spend as much time as possible trying to bathe them anyway. Do not get on your knees, they’re still too sore from the horsey rides anyway. Squat it out baby! But don’t literally squat out a baby, do you want extra work?
- Bedtime cardio: Attempt to put children to bed. Get every drink of water, every nightlight and every stuffed animal they ask of you. Make sure to kneel next to their bed in between each request so by the end your legs are burning. Sneak downstairs, wait five seconds and walk back up again since they’ll be sneaking out by then. Repeat from the beginning with drinks of water and special requests. If you wish to extend this workout, repeat Number 3 until child starts to fall asleep. Or you do.
Spousal aerobics: This is for special occasions. When your partner gives you that look, don’t pretend to be asleep. Seriously, when is the last time you got intimate? I mean, back massages are great for working your arms, and you can nag about almost anything while you’re giving a massage. Seriously, anything, because they might already be asleep anyway. Did I say aerobics? That sounded naughty. I really meant an arm workout.
- Crap, the-house-is-a-wreck Bedtime Crunch Time: Curse yourself for being too much mommy, and not enough housekeeper for the past week. Grab a broom, a mop and some coffee, and speed clean the house until everything hurts but your pride. Do two final trips to take the garbage out, doing lunges across the lawn. Smile at the nosey, insomniac neighbor who’s watching your garbage lunges from their window.
Congrats! If you’ve made it this far, that means you are well on your way to getting in shape! And maybe losing your sanity. Time to have a cheat day and grab brunch with a friend, and maybe a mimosa. If anyone has any more mommy workouts, please comment!