My husband and I have been at an impasse for about a year now on the big debate. To have, or not to have… more children. It’s an issue that we both have too many feelings on, and none of those feelings mesh together. One minute we agree that we both want another, although he will say he wants one more and I will say I want at least one more. Very different. But then we will have a hellish day and agree that we can’t handle more kids. But kids have this certain magic to them that makes us forget how awful they are sometimes. It’s kind of amazing. They can defy your every thought all day long, destroy the house, break your TV (This actually just happened to us), or just be otherworldly cranky and make you pray for bedtime. But then they are actually asleep and you look at those sweet faces and your heart melts with how much you love them. But whatever magic that children have, BABIES have it in excess.
When my husband and I were going through our pre-marriage counseling we started talking about how many kids we wanted. He said two, I said six, and his eyes popped out of his head and said “NO WAY!” We decided to compromise and settled on four. Maybe 5 if we decide we want to lose our minds after surviving 4.
Skip ahead 6 years, and we have a four-year old who has a speech delay and severe behavior problems, and a two-year old who thinks she’s the queen of the house. We underestimated children by a long shot. These guys are no joke! Of course, yes, things would be different if our son was an ‘easier’ kid. We love him to death but can’t deny that our desire for more children has dwindled down pretty low due to the stress of the ones we already have. But despite everything, do NOT let me near a baby. The second I see those tiny hands and feet, I’m hooked. God forbid someone actually lets me hold one, I’m done. I just hold that warm little body and smell that baby smell and I’ve got baby fever so bad I can feel my ovaries tingling.
My husband has caught on to this, and whenever we are around a baby, this is how every conversation goes.
Me: “Aw, omgoodness how old is he? He’s so sweet!”
Person with the baby: “Oh, he’s two months old, do you want to hol-”
My husband: “Nope! We don’t need any more of those in the house, she is not allowed to hold him!” *Glowers at me* “Don’t even think about it.”
I think he’s convinced that babies are contagious. And when he says ‘Don’t even think about it,’ he means holding the baby, and actually getting pregnant with another baby. Because of course, it would be all my fault! But despite the outwards cries of “No more babies.” And, “Dont even think about it!” He still walks away with this look in his eye that he thinks I don’t notice. He wants one too! I called him out on it recently and he tried his favorite form of denial. He smirks at me and says “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” After calling his bs, he finally admitted that he never holds anyones baby because it always makes him want one. He wants another baby almost as much as I do. The thing is, he doesn’t want any more children. And babies tend to grow up. Kind of fast, too. And the more I think about it, the more I realize I think I agree. I don’t want any more children, right now. I just want a baby.
So basically, all you lovely women with newborns need to stay away from me. I will admire your babies from a distance. I may even get close and tickle some toes. But I will not ask to hold them. And please don’t hand them to me. When my kids are potty trained and both in school, then I will reconsider. And if my husband ever stops glowering at me, then I might just hold some babies. But I think we all need to agree that baby magic is strong, and not to be taken lightly. And when I’m past my baby days, I think I’m gonna need to volunteer to be a baby snuggler in the NICU. Apparently that’s a real job and I am in.